Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
operation harelip BJ is a go
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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