I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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