Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
