we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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