dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
