A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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