Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he puts the penis in happiness.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize