obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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