its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
