I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
