the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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