matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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