I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
