He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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