you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
