This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
