The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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