yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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