You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
