Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
