he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize