Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
