You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
