i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
