you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
