I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
