it's like iHOP with fire
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We are all done wearing pants today
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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