apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
