He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
