She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
