Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
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If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
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As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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