so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
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Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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