forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
please don't ironically join a cult
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