I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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