I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
