Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
