You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
