God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
