How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice