Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow

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  (734): is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow http://tfl.nu/rth3
  Replies (4) Good night (1441) Bad night (608)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.

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  (678): I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI. http://tfl.nu/868g
  Replies (27) Good night (7482) Bad night (1515)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances

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  (407): He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances http://tfl.nu/rv67
  Replies (50) Good night (853) Bad night (4041)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins

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  (856): are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins http://tfl.nu/byok
  Replies (16) Good night (3882) Bad night (1308)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila

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  (612): I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila http://tfl.nu/4u8b
  Replies (20) Good night (6065) Bad night (987)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.

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  (904): stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit. http://tfl.nu/ijlk
  Replies (5) Good night (2033) Bad night (626)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.

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  (586): Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba. http://tfl.nu/rgqz
  Replies (3) Good night (1606) Bad night (728)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.

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  (609): Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel. http://tfl.nu/x8kg
  Replies (24) Good night (1081) Bad night (514)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.

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  (308): The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it. http://tfl.nu/le1i
  Replies (5) Good night (663) Bad night (1026)
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  (431): View more from

  Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.

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  (431): Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches. http://tfl.nu/58c6
  Replies (5) Good night (1815) Bad night (394)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.

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  (623): Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff. http://tfl.nu/snvk
  Replies (8) Good night (1497) Bad night (438)
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  (909): View more from California

  I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"

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  (909): I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!" http://tfl.nu/ixne
  Replies (6) Good night (1167) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.

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  (307): He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver. http://tfl.nu/9q9z
  Replies (10) Good night (1209) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.

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  (310): Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite. http://tfl.nu/rdiv
  Replies (4) Good night (587) Bad night (359)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.

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  (570): You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you. http://tfl.nu/cmij
  Replies (6) Good night (657) Bad night (169)

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