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capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
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