whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
