I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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