had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
