Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
