Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
