I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
