i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
