meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
