yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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