I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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