my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm too high and old for this...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
