Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
