I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
