So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
