Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
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I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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