Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
