My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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