If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
