I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I need water and some morals
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
