I wanna passion pit in your ass
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize