I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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