SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
