the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
