A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
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We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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