I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
