he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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