I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
