yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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