By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
