My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's rum buckets o'clock
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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