Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
